*I can't get anything done. I don't even start because I know three minutes into a task, someone will end up screaming or cursing or sneaking on to electronics or make a huge mess in the kitchen. It takes a lot of momentum to start a task (weeding the yard, cleaning the garage, etc). Working in a "start and stop" way saps all of my motivation.
*I feel resentful. I should be able to weed for a couple hours without stopping six times due to nonsense.
More Thoughts (About a week later):
* I started the day with some momentum. I went and voted. I walked back with plans to garden. When I got back, James was over his time on the computer. Little Jack was in a dark mood about the internet being blocked on his devices. He had gotten up at 1:00 am to watch tv, and his dad found him at 4 am. Our discussion about it went nowhere. Ellie did not get out of bed until 2:00 pm. In an effort to get going, I sauteed zuchinni and tried to find a TED talk. I feel like I need to show energy and enthusiasm for life so my kids will. I should go out and shovel up grass and weeds in the border along the house. But it sounds so overwhelming. Plus, at 4:00 when Jack gets home, we have to go together and pick up my car from the shop. I hate interacting with people, and I hate driving. While Jack is helping with the payment, it is taking up all of my savings and some of my city fund. I don't know how to fight this. I am almost 300 pounds. I have no energy - physical or mental. I do have good days (yesterday I was all jazzed that these are my people, and I stick with them no matter what).
* I started the day with some momentum. I went and voted. I walked back with plans to garden. When I got back, James was over his time on the computer. Little Jack was in a dark mood about the internet being blocked on his devices. He had gotten up at 1:00 am to watch tv, and his dad found him at 4 am. Our discussion about it went nowhere. Ellie did not get out of bed until 2:00 pm. In an effort to get going, I sauteed zuchinni and tried to find a TED talk. I feel like I need to show energy and enthusiasm for life so my kids will. I should go out and shovel up grass and weeds in the border along the house. But it sounds so overwhelming. Plus, at 4:00 when Jack gets home, we have to go together and pick up my car from the shop. I hate interacting with people, and I hate driving. While Jack is helping with the payment, it is taking up all of my savings and some of my city fund. I don't know how to fight this. I am almost 300 pounds. I have no energy - physical or mental. I do have good days (yesterday I was all jazzed that these are my people, and I stick with them no matter what).
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